Investment Bankers Pitch

The weekend was adventurous for India; last night PM Mr Modi did the hard selling for India, obviously learning by itself for blogInvestment bankers. The pitch was very strong in the economic sense.

I was reading Traders Guns and money over the weekend and found some interesting jargon and pitches made by the Investment bankers.

Statement: As a Leading dealer with a global platform, we are the major player in the market.

Translation: We have spent a fortune to build this business and are now prepared to spend millions more subsidizing your requirements.

Statement: We have one of the most talented teams in this space.

Translation: Our staff are vastly overpaid and on huge guaranteed bonuses.

Statement: All the surveys show us to be the leading dealer in this product.

Translation: You would not believe the amount we have spent buying market share not to mention the amount of advertising and sponsorships that it takes to get voted the leading dealer.

Statement: We are confident that our proposal is competitive.

Translation: We are loosing money to do this business but we can’t lose again to that Bank.

Statement: The concept is highly proprietary and innovative.

Translation: We don’t know how the product works as we just copied a competitor’s idea and nobody we know has done it but we think you might.

Statement: We feel it is the best solution to your yield enhancement requirements.

Translation: This deal makes us the most money and it is around about what you may want and if it isn’t who cares?

Statement: The valuation does not reflect the true economics of the transactions.

Translation: We are misvaluing this deal but think you don’t know how to work out what it is truly worth.

Statement: We make markets in all our products at all times.

Translation: IF you want to sell this back to us good luck sucker.

Statement: There is currently a window in the market to execute this transaction.

Translation: It is almost bonus time and we need to close this deal urgently to make sure we can pay for our new model Porches.

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